This term cracks me up, because as we all know - we don't know what we want! One minute we want straight hair, the next, curly. We want babies, then we want a good night sleep (which never happens with a baby). We b*tch and complain that our husbands are never home, then when they are we complain that they are in our way!
Well that's what has happened with me! Since Patrick's knee surgery last week, he has been home almost all the time (except for the occasional PT appointments and going in to work to work on a presentation). Being the wife of a resident is very difficult, and I have learned that we girls go into "survival mode" to get through these rough years. We make friends. We go to playgroup. We find hobbies. We go to the gym (gasp). Anything to occupy our time so we don't realize how much we miss our husbands. So then we get used to this "surviving". We put ourselves first (and our kids) and work our husbands in our schedule when they are home.
But what happens when the husband is unexpectedly home for a long period of time? Vacations don't count because you can prepare for them. Weekends don't count because that is scheduled time you expect also (and short-lived).
I was about to pull my hair out in the first few days when Patrick was home because he was interrupting my survival routine. Slowly getting up with the kids, tv time during breakfast, getting dressed and rushing out the door to go to playgroup or the gym. Leaving dirty dishes in the sink until we come home. Meeting up with friends for lunch (either out somewhere or at each others' houses). Home for naps (and possibly taking one myself) or doing school-time with Gavin, or the occasional cleaning time. Quick clean around 4:30 or 5 (before Pat gets home) and starting dinner (to appear to be the perfect little housewife when he gets home). But when he is home all day he sees these imperfections I have created while "surviving". I tried to stay on top of everything - but just couldn't. I started to resent him for being home a little bit.
What I didn't expect was this time to bring Patrick and I closer. I admit, I have been using him being at home to be selfish...going to get pedicures, going to run errands alone, going to the gum without the kids...and he gets to see a bit of what it is like to be home all the time with the kids and what I go through without him. This week has been perfect too, because the weather has been so awful - he can't even get outside to take the kids for a walk or play of the swingset. He is inside, all day, watching what we do. Seeing Gavin melt down because I turned the light on in the fish tank instead of him. Watching Evelyn pull all the books of the shelves THREE times (until he learned just not to pick them up until bedtime). Having Evelyn laugh at him when he tries to discipline her. Having both kids cry because I turned the tv off at lunch. He saw what I go through and I think started to appreciate me even more. And tell me so. And I saw that I was missing the kids a bit, and how hard it is for him to be away from the everyday (fun) things.
We are learning how to give each other the personal time and space we have grown accustomed to, and at the same time, we have learned to help each other and be understanding of each other too. I don't want to kill him still - and I will be really sad when we don't get to spend this time together like this anymore.