Sometimes...

Sometimes, you can't find the words to say to a friend or loved one who is sick.
Sometimes you just want to hug them.
Sometimes you can't hug them because they are too far away - so words are all you have left.
Sometimes you just want to tell them how special they are and what a positive difference they have made in this world.
Sometimes you just want to cry.
Sometimes you get mad, angry and confused as the "why" is this happening.
Sometimes you feel blessed for ever even knowing them.

I read somewhere that if a friend is down with the flu or has a stay in the hospital, you stop by the card shop or the grocery and pick up a card that says “Thinking of you” or makes cute little jokes about doctors and hospital gowns that open in the back. But suppose your friend or your brother or sister or your mother or father receives the news: cancer. Mastectomy. Chemotherapy. Radiation. Bone Marrow transplant. “Get well soon” suddenly seems very inadequate. What do you say to someone who may, in fact, be dying? Many people, in their discomfort, simply avoid contact at all, depriving the patient of comfort when it is needed most. Some try to act "normal" - because maybe that is what this friend needs...some normalcy in a time when nothing is normal anymore. Other's try to give advice and as much support as possible. Which person am I? I think a combination...

Am I the selfish one to get sad to think of a sick friend? Am I wrong to take this happening to try to re-evaluate my life and truly "live"? Or is this all part of "the plan"? Are we meant to learn from one person's hardships? Was this person brought into my life because of this? Or because of the many other wonderful things they have taught me and we have shared?

I pray for the strength of my friend Mark, his wife Amy, and their daughter Abby. He has reached 6 months since learning about his CML (Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia) and is dealing with this better than I think anyone I know could. If you would like to read more about Mark and his journey - please check out www.caringbridge.org/visit/markgardner.

Knock on wood...

So we have been secretly potty training Evelyn for the past few weeks. It started around bath - when Gavin always goes on the potty before getting into the tub - and Evie always peed on the floor or in the tub when she got in. So I started putting her on the potty too. She wants to do everything he does anyway... It's been almost 2 weeks and she has gone every night before bath. We make a big deal and she gets so excited because brother cheers her on and says how proud he is of her. I also started doing it during the day - and she has successfully gone a few times. Some times she just sits and nothing happens so she tries to hop down - other times she pees and then gets off.

But tonight, Daddy was playing downstairs with Gavin so it was just the girls upstairs. We walked in the bathroom and she went right to the toilet. I stripped her down and she sat up there and peed - but didn't try to get off. When I thought she was done I started to take her off but she started fussing - so I put her back on. And then she went poop. ON THE POTTY! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!??!?!? I was so excited and almost regret that I am writing it (for fear it will not happen again for a long time). I know girls are supposed to be easier/faster - but come on! I am sure it was a fluke - and I will be super happy with peeing before bath - but we were all pretty amazed. The boys heard my commotion and came running up the steps to celebrate too. She was so happy and clapping herself on the toilet! YEAH EVELYN!!!

LOST

So Stinkin' good last night! Anyone else out there a fan? Call me to discuss!!!

That time of the month again...

to pay bills. Month end/begin, pay day, and the bills are flowing in. I don't understand how some bills work. They seem so inconsistent with their due dates. Maybe it's based off the last time I paid them. Maybe they just like screwing with me. But for some reason, I can never get them all to be due on the same date (either the 1st, 15th or 30th). Some of them are okay - like mortgage and car payments. But others like insurance, gas, water...all seem scattered and never consistent.

This infuriates me more since we are so poor and live pay check to pay check. On the phone today I told/asked Patrick which bills we were going to pay on time. Not that we won't pay the other bills, but if one is due on the 12th and we don't get paid again until the 14th...I have to take money out of savings to cover it (or pay it late). And I never wind up putting that money back into savings. So I have to finagle the checks and balances a bit. Patrick insists we pay off credit card bills right away (although there is over $1000 that was from a conference "to be reimbursed ASAP (code for 3 months)". So where am I supposed to pull that $1000 from? Savings account just isn't saving anymore! It's more like a surviving account. And if it weren't for a super nice/lucky/caring/successful tishy-mom (who shall be remained nameless), that surviving account would have been in the negative a LONG time ago!

I know I can't rely on the future money that Patrick and I may or may not have. But it makes me sad that I am 25 years old and still living off of other people's dime (okay - maybe I am not 25) but still - I always thought I'd be in a different place right now. I LOVE staying home with the kids and always knew I'd do that and those would be some struggling times...but it is frustrating when your husband works harder and two or three times more hours than most people and doesn't get the benefits of it. I hope everyone knows I am just ranting - I do appreciate that we have more than a lot of people and are very fortunate...but I can't wait for the day I can buy some jeans that fit, clothes that aren't on sale for the kids, brand name baby wipes and a telephone that will automatically scream at those damn people calling to remind me to vote for Barack. I get it. But your call isn't getting me.

That off my chest - I am going to go clip some more coupons and hope my husband gets home for dinner tonight. Sorry for the negative-ness...I need some sunlight!!!! Winter sucks!