Friday, October 5, 2007
I LOVE MY HUSBAND!
So after last night's meeting, I feel really bad going back to reading my last blog entry. I just complained about the kids, Patrick, etc, when I really should be embracing those types of experiences and feel fortunate that I have two great kids, a very loving and caring husband, and great physicians who help keep my kids well.
We met last night with Bethany Vosak(sp?) who talked to us about Love Languages and marriage during residency (or during any stressful time in your careers). The first thing she did was have us close our eyes and remember the first time we saw our husbands. When we opened our eyes, EVERYONE WAS SMILING!!! It is so easy to be mad at them for coming home late (even though it is not their fault), for not being there to go to the kids horrible doctor appointment (even though they wish they could be there), and for coming home to study instead of cuddle with you and do things around the house (even though they wish they didn't have t study). It was so nice to remember what made me fall in love with Patrick, and what keeps our love alive today. It is also nice to realize everyone else has to "work" or "choose" to love their spouse the best way they know how.
One of the best parts I realize about my marriage is my understanding of his time commitments, and his natural communication skills. He MAKES me talk things out and communicate - which is hard especially since I am from a non-communicative family. He doesn't yell (even when he finds my credit card bills), he doesn't hold grudges, and he gives me a lot of "get-out-of-jail-free cards" when he just knows I am having a bad day and acting like a bitch. I also respect he needs some "him" time, and hardly ever (I can't say never) give him grief for playing soccer or golf with his friends.
Some questions Bethany asked were:
"How do you feel when he comes home an hour and a half late than when he is expected"? - I am bummed but know he must be even more pissed than me for being stuck there and not getting home when planned.
"How do you feel when he forgets to take out the garbage"? - I feel like something really must be wrong or he has a ton on his mind - because he is so anal and has a checklist for everything so if he misses something like that - he is really off his game and not feeling well. He would never do it on purpose.
"How do you feel when he forgets your birthday/anniversary/etc"? - This one used to bother me as Patrick is not good with dates. When he does remember - he goes all out and comes up with very meaningful and special cards and gifts. When he forgets, I buy myself flowers to remind him - then he usually feels bad and goes overboard making it up - so I win either way!!!
It was great to be forced to remember to be selfless in a relationship. Stop always thinking of how it makes you feel, and try to remember that you are one, and that if you feel crappy about it - then they probably do too. Not in every case...but in ours (during residency) it can be stressful because of lack of time together, commitment to being the best doctor he can be (which includes studying every night and going to journal clubs and conferences), coming home late, being on call every other night, etc. etc. etc...
So instead of complaining about things - I am going to list some of my favorite things that I LOVE about my husband.
* He knows when I need a break and when I need help
* He cleans up after dinner
* He does almost all the laundry
* He always asks how the kids and I are doing
* He calls me during the day when he can
* He kisses me EVERY morning before he leaves for work
* He fills up my gas tank when he takes my car
* He tries to help put the kids down (bath, books and bed) every night he is home
* He truly cares about our house and takes pride in it (building a new deck, painting, etc)
* He is close to his family
* He accepts my faults and has learned to love them and laugh at them (how I turn on every light in the house - even during the day)
* He loves when I am girly
* He tells me what a good job I am doing with the kids
* He lets me shop!!!
* He wants date nights
* He communicates very effectively
* He is good in bed (he made me put this one on here)
I could go on and on - but I want everyone to know that I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!!